Prayers

Last week I was struggling. I felt like I was having thoughts whispered into my ear by someone other than the Holy Spirit. Honestly, it was a huge burden on my soul. I felt weighted down. The thoughts I was thinking were things I didn't even want to say. I didn't want to give the evil one a foothold. I wanted to write someone, tell someone, do something to unload these cumbersome contemplations. Instead, I silently struggled.

The Sabbath came and with it a peace I hadn't felt in a while. Yesterday I felt the same peace. Today was when I realized that I am not feeling the attack that I was last week. The enemy's campaign against me has been thwarted. Praise the Lord, that He has fought off the enemy from entering my thoughts. Jesus has triumphed for me, again!

I myself was barely able to pray last week. I felt so unworthy to even speak to the Lord because of the things in my mind. I needed someone to pray for me. I needed someone to lift me up and carry me to Jesus in prayer. But I didn't ask anyone. I didn't talk to anyone.

However, I am positive that someone, somewhere, has been praying specifically for me. I am so thankful for that care and concern! Thank you, whoever you are, for your prayers on my behalf. Please know that I am feeling God's love and grace and protection because you have taken the time to speak to our Father in heaven on my behalf.

I thank Jesus for putting me on your heart.

Two Years Past

Who knows what would have happened if not for the sorrow we endured two years ago.

I still think about that baby. The little lifeless form on the ultrasound. The pain and heartbreak that I felt. I never attached a name to that child. I don't know why not. I know some people do. I know that Jesus had a special name for "him" though. I always believed that baby was a boy.

Without that disappointing sorrow, we wouldn't have the joy of Haven today. I know that God is Love. I will never forget the child that might have been, but I am so thankful to God for the joy and laughter He has blessed us with through our two wonderful girls. 

Taking Hope to the zoo during that weekend two years ago.

Come, Lord Jesus!

There is so much sadness in this world. So many things that make me long for a better place. So many friends of mine have experienced tremendous loss and anguish in such a short amount of time. Even from a distance, knowing of their grief and despair causes my stomach to knot up and my eyes to pour tears. I wish there were some way to reach out to them, but it is so hard from such a distance. I know I am not so close to them that they would get much comfort from me anyway. All I can really do is pray for them. All day long, my heart is heavy for them and my mind is drawn to thoughts of them. My thoughts turn heavenward and I take them to Jesus. I know He is the One who can comfort them best. Oh Jesus, please be near to them! Walk with them through the valley...

May we all work for the lost so that we may soon see Jesus coming in the clouds. I long for Him to come soon, but I also long for those who have not yet heard to have that opportunity. May we all be ready and help those around us to be ready as well!

See You In the Morning

I've been thinking about death a lot lately (I know, that doesn't sound great). I've been thinking about the hope that I have in Christ. I believe, based on what the Bible says, that all who believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and follow Him, when they die will rest in Him as in a dreamless sleep. Then, when Christ shall come in the clouds of glory He will raise up those who have died in Him to life everlasting. This is the hope that I have. I began to have a poem form in my heart, and thought I would share it. I am dedicating this poem to Jared and Damie, my friends who just lost their little girl.

Two months shy of one year old is much too young to die.
I love you, sweet and happy one with bright and smiling eyes.
But should death come to claim you, or catch you by surprise...
Goodnight, sweet baby, I'll see you in the morning.

What a spirit! What a will! At only three years old.
I cherish you, my precious one, whose hand I love to hold.
But should death reach to take you with hands so pale and cold...
Fear not, my precious one, I'll see you in the morning.

Almost five years we have lived as husband and as wife.
Your thoughtfulness and caring heart have brightened up my life.
But should death come, cut short your days with its unsparing knife...
Goodnight, my love, I'll see you in the morning.

I'm still too young, though getting older, not old enough to die.
I still have energy and strength, and dreams I've yet to try.
But should death come and terminate my journey, I will cry...
"Goodnight, goodnight, I'll wake up in that morning!"

Jesus, you faced death for all. You conquered, life to bring
To all who would believe in You and trust You as their King.
O grave where is thy victory? O death where is thy sting?
Jesus will make all things new. He'll wake us in the morning.

Comfort

My friend and her husband are burying their 18 month-old daughter today. This candle is in memoriam of the life of Ryann. I am praying that my friends will experience the comfort and peace that only Jesus can give when we face a loss like this.

‎"Through all our trials we have a never-failing Helper. He does not leave us alone to struggle with temptation, to battle with evil, and be finally crushed with burdens and sorrow. Though now He is hidden from mortal sight, the ear of faith can hear His voice saying, Fear not; I am with you .... I have endured your sorrows, experienced your struggles, and encountered your temptations. I know your tears; I also have wept. The griefs that lie too deep to be breathed into any human ear, I know. Think not that you are desolate and forsaken. Though your pain touch no responsive chord in any heart on earth, look unto Me, and live. 'The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the convenant of My peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.'Isaiah 54:10." - The Desire of Ages, p. 483.

Tragedy

Please excuse me for writing about something other than my children. This is really on my heart tonight...

I wonder what the average age of a person is when they experience their first completely devastating loss. In my life, I have experienced a lot of loss. I don't know what the most devastating one was. I do remember the most recent one, and that was an episodic event in my life. I was 26 years old. Other losses, that are older and have had more time to heal don't seem so terrible as the most recent one, but they were devastating at the time that they happened.

Just recently, there has been much tragedy. In the news, in the lives of my friends, everywhere around us there is immense suffering as people suffer loss of loved ones, livelihood, homes, pets, and security. It is appalling to witness.

What do we do when we are faced with tragedy? Of course, there are the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. How do we get through these stages though? I guess that depends on if we were prepared or not...

What do I mean? How do we prepare for the tragedies that come upon us unexpectedly and suddenly? Let me just say that when I suffered my latest loss, I wasn't ready for it. But I was able to trust in the love of Jesus. In my time of deepest sorrow and suffering, I knew that He was right beside me weeping. He held me in his arms. He knew EXACTLY what I was going through. My relationship with Jesus prepared me to face the tragedy that came into my life. I knew that He had been beside me up until then, and that He would be with me through it.

I pray for all that are suffering loss now: The many people who have been affected by tornadoes, floods and other natural disasters. My friends who just lost their 18 month old daughter suddenly. Another friend who was diagnosed with throat cancer at the beginning of this year. Friends whose sister-in-law has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. So much loss. So much suffering. So much tragedy.

I pray that all those who mourn would be comforted by Jesus. "Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5