For My Friend

Dear Friend,
I know your heart is hurting. It's been one awful thing after another, and to top it off your body has decided to take a break as well. Please know that I am praying for you. For your heart and for your back. Healing for both.

I know that it is so easy to blame God and to want distance from Him. He is more than big enough to handle the yelling, the raised fists and the blame. He's still right beside you, though. He's holding you in His arms. He's crying with you and knows all the pain that you're feeling.

I've been thinking about you today, dear friend. And I want to tell you something that Jesus said, and that I believe He is saying to you right now. He is saying, "“Come to me, you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I believe that the pain in your back is a blessing of rest given to you from God. He knows that you need time to just be, to sit and cry, read and pray. A time to heal.

I am praying for you, dear friend. I am praying that your back will be brought back to perfect strength and health. I am praying that your heart will find healing as well. May you have Christ's peace in Your heart, and may you again know His joy. You are and will continue to be in my prayers.

Your sister in Christ,
Kelli

Comfort

My friend and her husband are burying their 18 month-old daughter today. This candle is in memoriam of the life of Ryann. I am praying that my friends will experience the comfort and peace that only Jesus can give when we face a loss like this.

‎"Through all our trials we have a never-failing Helper. He does not leave us alone to struggle with temptation, to battle with evil, and be finally crushed with burdens and sorrow. Though now He is hidden from mortal sight, the ear of faith can hear His voice saying, Fear not; I am with you .... I have endured your sorrows, experienced your struggles, and encountered your temptations. I know your tears; I also have wept. The griefs that lie too deep to be breathed into any human ear, I know. Think not that you are desolate and forsaken. Though your pain touch no responsive chord in any heart on earth, look unto Me, and live. 'The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the convenant of My peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.'Isaiah 54:10." - The Desire of Ages, p. 483.

Tragedy

Please excuse me for writing about something other than my children. This is really on my heart tonight...

I wonder what the average age of a person is when they experience their first completely devastating loss. In my life, I have experienced a lot of loss. I don't know what the most devastating one was. I do remember the most recent one, and that was an episodic event in my life. I was 26 years old. Other losses, that are older and have had more time to heal don't seem so terrible as the most recent one, but they were devastating at the time that they happened.

Just recently, there has been much tragedy. In the news, in the lives of my friends, everywhere around us there is immense suffering as people suffer loss of loved ones, livelihood, homes, pets, and security. It is appalling to witness.

What do we do when we are faced with tragedy? Of course, there are the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. How do we get through these stages though? I guess that depends on if we were prepared or not...

What do I mean? How do we prepare for the tragedies that come upon us unexpectedly and suddenly? Let me just say that when I suffered my latest loss, I wasn't ready for it. But I was able to trust in the love of Jesus. In my time of deepest sorrow and suffering, I knew that He was right beside me weeping. He held me in his arms. He knew EXACTLY what I was going through. My relationship with Jesus prepared me to face the tragedy that came into my life. I knew that He had been beside me up until then, and that He would be with me through it.

I pray for all that are suffering loss now: The many people who have been affected by tornadoes, floods and other natural disasters. My friends who just lost their 18 month old daughter suddenly. Another friend who was diagnosed with throat cancer at the beginning of this year. Friends whose sister-in-law has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. So much loss. So much suffering. So much tragedy.

I pray that all those who mourn would be comforted by Jesus. "Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

When I Woke Up This Morning...

This morning was pretty normal. I spent a lot of time feeding Haven through the night, but woke up when Hope called at around seven. I went in to her room and curled up under her blanket while she played for a while. Then she went in to our room and read to Robbie for a little bit. I got up and fed Haven again. After Robbie fed Hope breakfast, we showered and got dressed.

When I woke up this morning, I had a list of things that I wanted to get done today, and so Hope, Haven and I set out to run errands. I don't go out alone with the two girls very often, and today I remembered why. It is very difficult. We survived all of our errand running and returned home all in one piece.

When I woke up this morning, I had lots of plans. But they didn't include one of the family dogs dying. When the girls and I returned from running our errands, Robbie's parents were in the process of taking their dog, Louise, to the veterinarian to see what could be done for her. She wasn't moving very much, but still breathing and responsive. At the vet, they drew her blood and the results showed that her liver had shut down. Her temperature was higher than 106*F. They gave her fluids and she came back home with an IV.

After we tucked Hope in bed, I went in to check on her and she was kneeling on her bed with her hands folded. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I'm praying for her to get better." I told her that Louise is very old and that she might die tonight. I asked if she wanted to pray with me, and she prayed, "Thank you for making 'Louise' better and give her a hug."

A few hours after she returned home, Louise's breathing was agonal and she was barely responsive at all. Robbie's parents took her to a 24 hour vet but she died on the way there.

Louise was a sweet dog. She lived a long life. She was always gentle and loving. I have never had a dog of my own, but it was heartbreaking to watch Louise as she was dying. I just wanted to sit there and pet her until she died. I know that if I die of old age, I want someone there to hold my hand. I believe that all living things appreciate having someone there with them as they die. It would be more sad to die alone.