Two Years Past

Who knows what would have happened if not for the sorrow we endured two years ago.

I still think about that baby. The little lifeless form on the ultrasound. The pain and heartbreak that I felt. I never attached a name to that child. I don't know why not. I know some people do. I know that Jesus had a special name for "him" though. I always believed that baby was a boy.

Without that disappointing sorrow, we wouldn't have the joy of Haven today. I know that God is Love. I will never forget the child that might have been, but I am so thankful to God for the joy and laughter He has blessed us with through our two wonderful girls. 

Taking Hope to the zoo during that weekend two years ago.

See You In the Morning

I've been thinking about death a lot lately (I know, that doesn't sound great). I've been thinking about the hope that I have in Christ. I believe, based on what the Bible says, that all who believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and follow Him, when they die will rest in Him as in a dreamless sleep. Then, when Christ shall come in the clouds of glory He will raise up those who have died in Him to life everlasting. This is the hope that I have. I began to have a poem form in my heart, and thought I would share it. I am dedicating this poem to Jared and Damie, my friends who just lost their little girl.

Two months shy of one year old is much too young to die.
I love you, sweet and happy one with bright and smiling eyes.
But should death come to claim you, or catch you by surprise...
Goodnight, sweet baby, I'll see you in the morning.

What a spirit! What a will! At only three years old.
I cherish you, my precious one, whose hand I love to hold.
But should death reach to take you with hands so pale and cold...
Fear not, my precious one, I'll see you in the morning.

Almost five years we have lived as husband and as wife.
Your thoughtfulness and caring heart have brightened up my life.
But should death come, cut short your days with its unsparing knife...
Goodnight, my love, I'll see you in the morning.

I'm still too young, though getting older, not old enough to die.
I still have energy and strength, and dreams I've yet to try.
But should death come and terminate my journey, I will cry...
"Goodnight, goodnight, I'll wake up in that morning!"

Jesus, you faced death for all. You conquered, life to bring
To all who would believe in You and trust You as their King.
O grave where is thy victory? O death where is thy sting?
Jesus will make all things new. He'll wake us in the morning.

Comfort

My friend and her husband are burying their 18 month-old daughter today. This candle is in memoriam of the life of Ryann. I am praying that my friends will experience the comfort and peace that only Jesus can give when we face a loss like this.

‎"Through all our trials we have a never-failing Helper. He does not leave us alone to struggle with temptation, to battle with evil, and be finally crushed with burdens and sorrow. Though now He is hidden from mortal sight, the ear of faith can hear His voice saying, Fear not; I am with you .... I have endured your sorrows, experienced your struggles, and encountered your temptations. I know your tears; I also have wept. The griefs that lie too deep to be breathed into any human ear, I know. Think not that you are desolate and forsaken. Though your pain touch no responsive chord in any heart on earth, look unto Me, and live. 'The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the convenant of My peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.'Isaiah 54:10." - The Desire of Ages, p. 483.

When I Woke Up This Morning...

This morning was pretty normal. I spent a lot of time feeding Haven through the night, but woke up when Hope called at around seven. I went in to her room and curled up under her blanket while she played for a while. Then she went in to our room and read to Robbie for a little bit. I got up and fed Haven again. After Robbie fed Hope breakfast, we showered and got dressed.

When I woke up this morning, I had a list of things that I wanted to get done today, and so Hope, Haven and I set out to run errands. I don't go out alone with the two girls very often, and today I remembered why. It is very difficult. We survived all of our errand running and returned home all in one piece.

When I woke up this morning, I had lots of plans. But they didn't include one of the family dogs dying. When the girls and I returned from running our errands, Robbie's parents were in the process of taking their dog, Louise, to the veterinarian to see what could be done for her. She wasn't moving very much, but still breathing and responsive. At the vet, they drew her blood and the results showed that her liver had shut down. Her temperature was higher than 106*F. They gave her fluids and she came back home with an IV.

After we tucked Hope in bed, I went in to check on her and she was kneeling on her bed with her hands folded. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I'm praying for her to get better." I told her that Louise is very old and that she might die tonight. I asked if she wanted to pray with me, and she prayed, "Thank you for making 'Louise' better and give her a hug."

A few hours after she returned home, Louise's breathing was agonal and she was barely responsive at all. Robbie's parents took her to a 24 hour vet but she died on the way there.

Louise was a sweet dog. She lived a long life. She was always gentle and loving. I have never had a dog of my own, but it was heartbreaking to watch Louise as she was dying. I just wanted to sit there and pet her until she died. I know that if I die of old age, I want someone there to hold my hand. I believe that all living things appreciate having someone there with them as they die. It would be more sad to die alone.